what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
