The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
