I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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