i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
