I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize