I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
