btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
