I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
