Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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