well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
