I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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