Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
