DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
