i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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