After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
