I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize