Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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