yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
