I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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