She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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