my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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