you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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