I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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