We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
