I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my liver is dry heaving
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
