You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
