Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
