Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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