Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
