OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
