its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
