I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
