Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
