Please, let me fuck your mom
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
