I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize