smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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