They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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