I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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