do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
