Your face is a jimmy john
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
