Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
