i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
