okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
