you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
