i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
