I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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