please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
