you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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