girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
