Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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