Your dad touched me again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
