why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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