His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
