I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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