No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
