Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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