Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
