I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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