Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize