I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
