i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
