I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
