everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
