I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
