The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
