It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I could fuck to npr.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
