how can u be prego again
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you had me at cake vodka
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
