hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
