After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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