My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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