I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
